


Talk the Talk

by Corey5268



Series: Spideypool Bingo 2019 [2]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Dialogue-Only, I banged this thing out in an hour, M/M, Puns & Word Play, They're famous musicians, but not as many puns as I usually put in my stuff, just the album title, no beta we die like tired authors, talk show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 10:53:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20487719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corey5268/pseuds/Corey5268
Summary: An exclusive interview with musical sensation Peter Parker about his personal life and upcoming album.





	Talk the Talk

**Author's Note:**

> For my spideypool bingo square "pop singer AU"

“It’s great to have you back on the show, Peter. How does it feel to have your latest single go triple platinum in two days? Hope you’re not getting too big for your britches.”

“Me? Nah. Never. I’m just a kid from Queens. I’m still amazed that I have fans at all. But holy schnitzel, I never expected anything of mine to go platinum  _ at all _ . I was content to be a quiet indie artist, and maybe make a couple hundred dollars to put towards my student loans.”

“Forever humble, aren’t you?”

“You say ‘humble,’ but I’d probably say ‘cripplingly low self-esteem.’ Potato potahto.”

“So, you’re going to play a new single from your upcoming album ‘The Spider-Man’ in a little bit, but I understand that you have a couple of personal announcements you wanted to make while you’re on the show?”

“Yeah, I do. Three, actually. First and foremost, while I’m going on tour for ‘The Spider-Man,” it’s going to be my last tour for a couple of years. I’ll still be recording, but I’m going back to school for my Ph.D. Stop cheering for that, guys. You wouldn’t be nearly as excited if I went on about biophysics and chemistry for an hour.”

“I think most people would be excited if you sang them the phonebook.”

“Do phonebooks even exist anymore?”

“You millenials and your damn logic.”

“Ha! I blame the avocado toast.”

“It’s the multigrains, I’m telling you. When I was a kid, we had Wonderbread uphill both ways! Anyway, getting back on track. What were the other two announcements you wanted to make?”

“Uh, this next one is one I should have made a while ago. I’m a pretty private person, so I didn’t know if I should say anything, but this is bigger than me. Um...I’m bisexual. I never said anything before now because I was afraid it would affect my career and safety, but I’m sick of hiding it. There are so many kids out there that don’t have the luxury of hiding their sexuality, and it’s really not okay for me to continue doing so. If I can show  _ one  _ kid that someone they look up to is like them, and that being queer isn’t the end of the world, coming out publically will be totally worth it. So here I am, saying that I’ve dated both men and women, and I’m proud to be bi.”

“Thank you for sharing that, Peter. I know you had a lot riding on—”

“I  _ didn’t _ though. I’m a millionaire. I’m set for life. Even if I lost my recording contract and all of my fans right now, I’d never have to struggle again. And I feel like such a piece of $#!^ for waiting for so long to use my privilege for something productive. That’s why I’m working with FEAST in New York City to expand their reach to housing for homeless LGBT youth and young adults.”

“Was that your third announcement?”

“No, that was just a shameless guilt plug. They’re a great organization, and I really want to help kids who don’t have a family that’s as supportive as mine is and was. My Aunt who raised me oversees a few of the shelters. We have some pretty cool expansions in the works.”

“Then what was your third announcement?”

“...”

“Oh, you’re choosing  _ now _ to clam up and turn as red as a tomato?”

“I...uh...um…”

“Take your time, Peter.”

“Oooh boy. You know my friend Wade Wilson?”

“Yes I do. For those in the audience that don’t, you might know him as Deadpool, his stage name. Wade is the drummer and sometimes-bassist of the experimental metal band X-Force. Is experimental metal the correct description?”

“I honestly...don’t know? They kind of defy genre. Their last album, Bovinophobia? I’m...not quite sure that all of the tracks qualify as music so much as performance art.”

“Why was the album called Bovinophobia?”

“Wade’s afraid of cows. Neena is afraid of chickens. They had a coin toss. Wade lost. He tries not to look at the album cover. He tried to petition the record company to put a picture of a chicken on the cover, which was as hilarious to witness as it sounds.”

“And how does Wade relate to your final announcement?”

“Wade might be my husband?”

“He  _ might _ be? Had an interesting night last time you were in Vegas?”

“Ha, no. He’s definitely my husband. We got married two years ago tomorrow.”

“Happy anniversary! That’s a long time to keep a marriage under wraps.”

“You have no idea. I think. Unless you have a secret marriage that you’re hiding? Is that common in Hollywood? I genuinely have no idea. This business is mysterious and shadowy. I might be in the Illuminati, but I don’t even  _ know _ . I don’t even know what I’m doing half the time.”

“Yeah, two years is a long time, Illuminati or not.”

“God, I’m so lucky to have him. He’s such a weirdo, and I’m so sick of hiding how much I love him.”

“And that’s why we have him waiting backstage. Come on out, Wade!”

“Wait,  _ really? _ How did I not run into him backstage?”

“I’m a master of stealth and disguise, babe.”

“Could have fooled me when you tripped over your own feet on the way to bed last night.”

“I didn’t mean to wake you!”

“What about the time you decided to sample the toy lightsaber sounds from your last album in our bedroom at 3:00 in the morning?”

“I maintain that they sound different in the early hours of the morning.”

“What about—”

“Boys,  _ enough _ . I’m a talk show host, not a marriage counselor.”

“ _ Oh _ . Hi, Josephine! I didn’t see you there.”

“I’m going to ignore the fact that my name isn’t Josephine, and point out that this is, in fact, my show.”

“I just got so lost in Peter’s eyes that I forgot you were there.”

“Pffft. Smooth recovery, man. So, Wade?”

“Mmm?”

“Why did you two decide to come out about your marriage now?”

“I mean, Pete decided he was going to come out to the public. No stopping this @$$#*!& from doing something when he makes his mind up, so we figured we might as well tell everyone that we’re married while we’re at it. Coming out was a super personal choice, and I didn’t want to rush Peter into it. I’m really open about my sexuality, but I know that it’s a little harder for him. But we figured that there was no reason to hide the marriage once he came out. I’m so excited. PDA. Everywhere.”

“ _ Wade. _ ”

“ _ Every. Where.  _ I’m gonna kiss you every chance I get, baby boy.”

“Don’t clap! It’ll encourage him! He’s going to get  _ gross _ and embarrass me.”

“I’ll show you embarrassing—”

“ _ Anyway, _ thanks for having us on the show. My new album comes out on September 3rd. This is me dropping my new single, ‘Web of Truth.’ Stick around and give it a listen.”

  
  



End file.
